Being in love with someone who is taken

I love him but I don’t want to, I just do. He is handsome, a gentleman, funny, ambitious, from humble beginnings and ironically his name is Perfect. I met him during December on a dating app, talk about a hopeless place.The moment I laid eyes on him every fiber of my being wanted to run away from him, he was breath taking and in that moment every breakup, comment on how bad I looked flooded into my mind. My negative self image instantly commanded every muscle in my body to retreat, but I didn’t we just talked. At first I didn’t know that he was dating someone else, we haven’t even kissed or anything. On one of our walks he told me, that he was in a relationship and living with someone else. He told me that his relationship was falling apart and all sorts of things. He was so sincere and somehow I allowed myself to fall for him.

In the first couple of weeks it was fine. I convinced myself to just wait for him until he became single. We could be friends right and maybe we could ride unicorns on rainbows. The thoughts of him being in the arms of another man started to creep into my mind. I did some investigating on the “other guy” and it didn’t require much effort as he was making posts on Facebook about seeing other guys, the situation was painted in plain sight. So I was in a weird predicament do I tell the guy I’m in love with about what his boyfriend is doing or should I attempt to give him hints.

Yeah I could meddle in their relationship, but I am just not “that guy” so I being the guy I am I to take the high road again and to let them sort it out. I just hope that he doesn’t feel like I am abandoning him that’s if he even notices. Either way I have to fight for my own well being. The uncertainty, feeling so vulnerable, guilty, and seeing someone you love being hurt by a guy who doesn’t deserve him, has burnt holes in my heart. He is a good guy and I wish him all the best but I’m not emotionally mature enough to be in this situation. I really have tried to fight for him but I am worn out.

Facts of the case ladies and gentlemen is that he is in love with someone else and I am not about to get blamed for their breakup. He has started being distant towards me and I feel like this is the only chance I have to escape this feeling. Sometimes I just hate him cause my life was fine without him, why did he have to talk to me. One thing about Perfect is that he has opened up my eyes to love and for that I am grateful. I want to love and be loved by someone amazing. I guess he was just a chance I took to keep on chasing love. 😉 #staycool

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Black Gay African

I wrote a post a couple of minutes ago but for now can we just act like this is my first post.
I am a black gay guy living in Africa. This is something that I would have never said or written about a year ago, I try to think of myself as more than a gay guy but it’s part of who I am and I just want to acknowledge it on this post.
I know what you are thinking….This guy must have a horrible life (being black, gay and African). But truly speaking, being gay in Africa really isn’t that different from the gay guys I see on US tv shows, like Modern family, etc. I could walk holding hands with with another guy, I could get married, come out to my friends, adopt kids, wear lip gloss and go to gay bars on a Tuesday. But like everywhere else there are challenges, for instance some of my friends might not be accepting of my sexually, I wouldn’t feel comfortable being stared at while walking with a guy holding my hand and I might not be 100% comfortable with femininity .

What I am trying to say is I’m just another guy trying to figure out this life thing and find true love, just hopefully with another black gay guy from Africa .

Me

This is hopefully my first of many entries. I just want a place where I can talk about the things that I find interesting, challenging and worth sharing. I am one of those people who think alot actually maybe too much, hopefully but writing on this blog I can try to prevent myself from going crazy.

Most of the things I will talk about is probably boys, cause I really want to fight love, sometimes I feel like I’m the only gay guy who is looking for this thing called love. I’m definitely a hopeless romantic. The other thing is I am such a flippen coach potato and that really needs to change somehow, we fix that trait.